Week 10: Busy

No time for a real post this week....

There's only time to say,

With God, nothing is impossible.

I'm starting to believe that.

Do you?

Week 9: Are you sitting on your ticket?

I don't really know how to preface this.  I just know that it resonates with me.... I'll let the story speak for itself:

"Somewhere out there in the world is a young woman who, if she reads the letter that follows, will sing out "Hey, that's me-- that's my story!"  This letter is written out of gratitude-- from me and all those who have heard her story from me.  Out of one person's moment of comic despair has come perspective for all.

Dear Fellow Pilgrim:
     There you were, Hong Kong airport, end of the summer of 1984, tensely occupying a chair next to mine. Everything about you said "Young American Traveler Going Home."  You had by then exchanged jeans and T-shirt for sarong and sandals.  Sensible short hair had given way to hair long and loose. The backpack beside you bore the scars and dirt of some hard traveling, and it bulged with mysterious souvenirs of seeing the world.  Lucky kid, I thought.
     When the tears began to drip from your chin I imagined some lost love or the sorrow of giving up adventure for college classes.  But when you began to sob, you drew me into your sadness.  Guess you had been very alone and very brave for some time.  A good cry was in order.  And weep you did.  All over me.  A monsoon of grievous angst.  My handkerchief and your handkerchief and most of a box of tissues and both your sleeves were needed to dry up the flood before you finally got it out. 
     Indeed, you were not quite ready to go home; you wanted to go further on.  But you had run out of money and your friends had run out of money, and so here you were having spent two days waiting in the airport standby with little to eat and too much pride to beg.  And your plane was about to go.  And you had lost your ticket.  You cried all over me again.  You had been sitting in this one spot for three hours, sinking into the cold sea of despair like some torpedoed freighter.  At moments you thought you would sit there utnil you died.
     After we dried you off, I and a nice older couple from Chicago, who were also swept away in the tide of your tears, offered to take you to lunch and to talk to the powers that be at the airlines about some remedy.  You stood up to go with us, turned around to pick up your belongings.  And  SCREAMED.  I thought you had been shot.  But no . . . it was your ticket.  You found your ticket.  You had been sitting on it.  For three hours.
     Like a sinner saved from the very jaws of hell, you laughed and cried and hugged us all and were suddenly gone.  Off to catch a plane for home and what next.  Leaving most of the passenger lounge deliriously limp from being part of your drama.
     I've told the story countless times. "She was sitting on her own ticket," I conclude, and the listeners always laugh in painful self-recognition.
     Often when I have been sitting on my own ticket in some way-- sitting on whatever it is I have that will get me up and on to what comes next-- I think of you and grin at both of us and get moving.
     So, thanks.  You have become, in a special way, my travel agent.  May you find all your tickets and arrive wherever it is you want to go, now and always."

From the book It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It by Robert Fulghum.  Accessed here.

Week 7: We're All in This Together!

THANK YOU.
Your encouraging words and supportive actions have uplifted me this week.  You make it rewarding to combat my tendency to think I have to overcome my problems by myself-- I accomplish more and become better when I lean on the strength of my friends and family and of the Lord.  Teamwork works! I gained my own testimony this week of this principle from Elder Neil L. Andersen: "When you are faced with a test of faith, stay within the safety and security of the household of God. There is always a place for you here. No trial is so large we can’t overcome it together.^"

 
I am feeling motivated again, relying on the power of healthy habits, and seeing satisfying day-by-day results.  I pray a lot.  I've found it especially helpful to tell Heavenly Father my goals each morning; if I commit to Him to keep them, I am much more likely to do so than if I just commit to myself.  

He always provides a way.

Here's a seemingly silly example, but an example I call a tender mercy of the Lord: We had a super fun "Second Chance Valentine's Day" activity for Relief Society this week.  I wanted to go and socialize, but I knew that there would be lots of sweets there.  I prayed and told Heavenly Father that I would not eat any treats, and I asked Him to help me stick to that.  I knocked on the door, sat in the first available seat, and-- what do you know-- there's this perfect little half-wall right next to me that covers my view of the kitchen table.  Like, seriously.  I don't even know what treats are over there, so I'm not tempted to have any.  Out of sight out of mind.  And then they drew door prizes-- a large percentage of which were Valentine candies.  Instead, I won Valentine "cuff bands" and pretty classy ones, at that! ;)  Such small things, but "the Lord is in the detail of our lives."  He cared enough about helping me reach my goals that He found a seat for me behind a wall and gave me "cuff bands" instead of candy.  Now that is a God who knows me, a God who cares.  

These words seem especially appropriate today: "I testify that God’s grace is sufficient. Jesus’ grace is sufficient. It is enough. It is all we need. Oh, young people, don’t quit. Keep trying. Don’t look for escapes and excuses. Look for the Lord and His perfect strength. Don’t search for someone to blame. Search for someone to help you. Seek Christ, and, as you do, I promise you will feel the enabling power we call His amazing grace. ... Parents are pulling for you, leaders are pulling for you, and prophets are pulling for you. And Jesus is pulling with you." Brad Wilcox

 

Week 5: A Better Way to Celebrate Myself

One year ago this past Monday, I decided I wanted to celebrate my birthday in style.  As is our family tradition, I could choose the birthday dinner, and I came up with the brilliant theme of finger foods-- you know, crackers & cheese, veggies & dip, and especially all those delicious, bite-size, deep-fried, pre-packaged delicacies your mother never lets you buy.  I figured if I was going off my diet {for just one day} in celebration-- and I deserve it, right?-- I might as well go all out.  And go all out we did.  There were egg rolls and cordon bleu balls and popcorn chicken and jalapeno poppers, just for starters.  For dessert, we had ice cream with, appropriately, 22 different toppings.  See those three bowls of ice cream on the bottom left?  All mine. 

Everything tasted delicious, of course, and I appreciated my parents providing the party.  But it was hard and took a very long time to get back on track.

When I started planning my birthday this year (notice that planning has to come first in matters of healthy living) I was sort of freaking out about it, and I wasn't sure why.  I resolved NOT to make food be the focus of my celebrations, so in my head that meant I had to plan something unprecedented and grandiose and preferrably free and non-media related.  Ugh.  My best option was to rent out the Hogle Zoo.  Yes, one can rent out the Hogle Zoo.  But unfortunately, the "free" category doesn't apply.  And by Thursday when I called my mom, I still had no plan.  

As I told her my dilemma about how to celebrate, I finally vocalized my fear: "I don't want this birthday to be the same as last year- where it's the turning point for the worse.  I don't want to plan a big dinner or a fancy treat."  As I spoke, ideas finally clicked.  I could celebrate by doing something simple that I loved as much as desserts and fatty foods.  "In fact, I'll eat dinner before I come over, and let's have a dance party and make healthy smoothies."  Even though this was breaking our family traditions my mom agreed without hesitation.  She is so supportive, and I'm grateful.  

So instead of celebrating by letting myself go, I celebrated by keeping myself committed.  And it's not like I was eating wheat germ and brussel sprouts, either.  For breakfast and lunch, I split a Subway foot-long, had a handful of yummy almonds for snack, and threw together a southwest salad for dinner.  Satisfying, tasty, and healthy! Yay, me! :)

And, boy, did we rock that birthday dance party with Zumba lessons from Anna, basic ballroom dance steps from me, and a rousing rendition of the chicken dance!  

And Dad pulled through with some pretty fabulous smoothies.  We did have a bit of trouble trying to get my candles to stay standing on the top of my Triple Berry Smoothie. 

Notice how I blew over the candle in addition to blowing out the flame.

I left the party feeling energized, recommitted, and pleased with how it had turned out.  I feel like this is just the beginning, and Heavenly Father is strengthening me every step of the way.  

The words of Dr. Suess seem particularly appropriate :)

"Today you are you.  That is truer than true.

There is no one alive that is you-er than you!

Shout aloud, 'I am glad to be who I am!

'Thank goodness I'm not a clam

'Or a ham

'Or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam.

'I am what I am- what a great thing to be!

'If I say so myself, Happy Every Day to Me!'"

P.S. and Happy Every Day to YOU! Thanks to all of you who read and all of you who sent birthday wishes my way!

Week 3: How I Applied Relief Society to Laundry

This is a photo of my planner from last week.  Notice how everything is written down and almost everything is crossed off.  Readings for the week?  Check.  Plan and present a spiritual thought? Check.  Apologize to a friend?  Check.  Sara open her mission call?  Check.  Sister sleepover?  Check.  Party with old friends? Check.  Spiritual progression?  Check.  Friend bonding?  Done.  Important family milestones?  Been there. Done that.

Are you seeing the problem?

Granted, this is a planner.  I'm supposed to plan things here.  It aids my already burdened memory and helps me schedule and keep track of school and work.  But I've been noticing this get-through-it-so-I-can-be-done mindset creeping into my mental default settings.

Somewhere in the midst of life, I'm forgetting to live.

We studied this timely message yesterday, and I seriously wanted to memorize the whole thing in attempts to internalize it.  Here are a few of the most poignant parts: 

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"Doesn't it seem foolish to spoil sweet and joyful experiences because we are constantly anticipating the moment when they will end?

"Do we listen to beautiful music waiting for the final note to fade before we allow ourselves to truly enjoy it? No.  We listen and connect to the variations of melody, rhythm, and harmony throughout the composition.

"Do we say our prayers with only the 'amen' or the end in mind? Of course not.  We pray to be close to our Heavenly Father, to receive His Spirit and feel His love.


"We shouldn't wait to be happy until we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available-- all the time.  Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. 'This is the day which the Lord hath made...,' the Psalmist wrote.  'Rejoice and be glad in it.'

"...No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish.  There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it...

"...With the bountiful blessings of our Heavenly Father, His generous plan of salvation, the supernal truths of the restored gospel, and the many beauties of this mortal journey, 'have we not reason to rejoice?'...

"We cannot take for granted one single day.

"I pray that we will not wait until we are ready to die before we truly learn to live."

Beautiful.  I wonder how much more meaningful my life would be if I lived by these principles.  Especially in my health and fitness goals, the temptation to wait to enjoy life is daunting.  I'll admit that I've thought this before: "I won't be truly happy with life until I've lost the weight."  Not true, self! Not true!  I can be happy now.  To paraphrase President Uchtdorf's words, "[I] do matter. [I] determine [my] happiness.  [I am] ultimately in charge of [my] own happiness."


I tried this out today on something routine that I was planning to merely get done and check off my list: laundry.  That's always on our lists, right?  So I'm gonna love it.  During the trek down to the laundromat, I loved the smell of Tide.  On the walk to switch my clothes to the dryer, I loved the sunlight (yay, sunlight!) reflecting on the snow outside.  I loved hugging the dyer-warm clothes like a kid. I loved the satisfaction of a neat fold.  And I loved the Tinkerbell movie while I folded. :)  Yes, the Tinkerbell movie brings me joy.  Don't judge.  Childish? Maybe.  But I got the same task done with much more joy that usual and hardly any more effort.  And don't you love the way children live life anyway?  With laughter and wonder and curiosity and love?  They don't wait to be happy.  And neither will I.  

Thanks to my Bishop for inspiring the study of that talk, and Serena and Emilee for teaching it so thoughtfully. :)




P.S. I'm on my way to establishing my veggie-with-dinner habit!

On Being a Foreigner

THURSDAY, May 3

Today while eating at our favorite restaurant down the road, Anna overheard a man at the next table over say, "They're foreigners.  They don't know what we're saying." :)  It's been a new and insightful experience to be a foreigner-- literally, in Chinese, an outsider.  When we walked through WalMart, a little boy probably about 8 years old, ran to his mother and tugged on her shirt.  "他们是白人."  "They are white!!"  Anna guesses that for many of the kids in the rural area we live in, we are the first white people they've seen outside of TV.  I'm mostly used to the shameless stares we get as we walk around.  It's kind of hilarious to stand at the bus stop and watch the cars and bikes and three-wheeled trucks keep moving forward while the eyes of the drivers stay glued to us.  More than once I've posed for pictures (or smiled when someone not-so-sneakily turns their camera phone at us).  Sometimes people shout out the two English words everyone seems to know "Hullo!" or "Bee-oodiful!"  People get excited when Anna speaks Chinese so well, and virtually everyone smiles back when I smile.  

Today, I reaped unintentional benefits from being a foreigner.  In the afternoon, a group of students from nearby came to volunteer.  I was vacuuming the couches in the babies' rooms when one of them walked by with Kaitlin.  She was wearing a pink short sleeved shirt with overalls and a huge, 90s-style bow in her hair.  And, "Oh, her earring are so cute!" I said to Kaitlin.  "I wish I could tell her."  Kaitlin told me how to say earrings, and I told her "我喜欢你的耳环。“ ("I like your earrings.")  She smiled and giggled a bit and said thanks and kept on.  Then a few minutes later, she returned, held out her hand and placed the earrings in my hand!  There was a lot of English chatter on my side, "Oh, no, no, no, I just wanted to compliment you! It didn't mean a I wanted them!"  And Chinese chatter on her side.  The only thing I understood was, "我给你。“ （"I give to you.")  I thanked her, dumbfounded, and went back to work.  

Before she left, I went to my room and picked out a very cute pair of earrings that I brought with me.  I went up to her as she stood with the group of students and handed them to her.  "来自美国。“ "Comes from America."  She seemed very pleased, and everyone in the group smiled. I showed them her earrings that I was wearing and held out my hands as if to say, "What do you think?"  A combination of "Bee-oodiful!" and "真漂亮!" ("Very pretty!") and "Thanks!" in both languages accompanied the huge grins and laughs all around. 

I'm a foreigner-- but a human being-- learning that all human beings appreciate kindness, gratitude, and mutual respect?  Yes, I'm in China.