A few weeks ago, a friend reminded me that it's been ages since I posted on my blog. I told her I'd been busy and then sort of fallen out of the habit. Accurate, but incomplete.
The truth is I have no successes to write about.
And you don't want to read a blog about my failures, do you? I've gained back many of my comfortable old habits and the pounds that went with 'em. To paraphrase a prophet, thus not much time has passed and I've already turned back to my old ways, "like the dog to his vomit, or like the sow to her wallowing in the mire." I've been contemplating whether I really want to put in the effort or not. Maybe deep down I just want to eat sweets and fatty foods and be sedentary more than I want to be healthy
The truth is I want to quit.
Conceited as it sounds, I'm not used to having to work long and hard to get the results I want. I'm a highly successful procrastinator-- the last-minute-surge-of-energy type that "slow and steady"s hate. I'm the one who crams for an exam an hour before and gets a better grade than someone who's been studying diligently all semester. I work this way in many areas of my life and the acceptable outcomes I get from it only reinforce the process.
The truth is I sort of hate myself for it.
Usually I use this blog to work through my thoughts and feelings and reach some profound conclusion that helps me keep going. But I'm going for transparency here...
The truth is I don't have any answers today.
But I still care, and I was better today than I was yesterday. I turned down a BYU mint brownie, if that means anything to you. (If you've ever eaten one of said brownies, it should.)
The truth is I haven't quit yet.
Anyone else have an answer today?
I, like you Meilina, am a procrastinator. And, I hate working out. It's hard and tedious, and so is eating healthy. What I've come to find, is I'm more successful if I set very reachable goals - because when I meet those goals I'm more motivated to keep going. I feel better about myself, instead of frustrated I didn't do anything. For example, I don't just eliminate fatty (yummy) food from my diet, I just shoot for 1 sweet thing a day (one brownie, one slice of cake, a few pieces of candy, etc.). Then instead of feeling completely deprived, I appreciate the goodness more. Or for exercise, most the time people talk about working out 5-6 times a week for an hour. Let's be honest, for someone who hates working out, that is A LOT of time. So I shoot for 15-20 minutes at least 3 times a week. No, it's not fantastic, but it's a lot better than sitting and watching an episode of a show for that hours worth of time. And the more I do those little things, the less of a hassle I find working out. Baby steps :) Hopefully eventually I'll be more in shape, so 30 minutes of working out will feel about the same to me, until then - like you, I'm just trying to overcome my desire to procrastinate so I can be healthier.
ReplyDeleteKeep it up girl!
Moriann
Thanks, Moriann. That's a good perspective. :)
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