Breakthrough

When I was little, I used to stumble through Tae Bo workouts with my aunt.  And, of course, I've seen Karate Kid a time or two.  But the boxing and martial arts-inspired cardio class {Body Combat} I attended at the gym today completely caught me off guard.

There was something about being a first-timer and having to admit it by raise of hand that made me want to defy anyone who thought I couldn't keep up.  There was something about standing in the center of the room- with all sides of me exposed- that made me want to prove my appearance did not reflect my strength.  There was something about the pent-up frustration of a disappointing weight gain last week that fueled me to ditch my excuses and just do it.  There was something about that tough, muscular woman shouting at us that made me dig deep and leave everything I had on that gym floor.  I was sweating {"Jab-cross-jab!"} and shaking {"Uppercut-uppercut!"} and sucking air almost hysterically {"Cross and kick!"}.  But it wasn't until our instructor explicitly told us to imagine our opponent that I realized who I had been mentally visualizing at the receiving end of each punch: overweight, appetite-driven, weak, and defenseless- it was me.  Sweat mingled with tears, and those punches may as well have been right to my heart.  I had been envisioning beating myself to the ground.  I was hurting and destroying myself! And the words my parents so often told me {"You've got to stop beating yourself up!"} finally took on meaning for me.

I am my worst opponent.  I am my biggest obstacle.  I am my deepest fear.

For so long I have used my strength against myself instead of for myself as I give into discouragement, regret past mistakes, and focus on current imperfections.  But if this is a two-sided mental struggle, then all it takes is a simple but powerful perspective change.  I have seen myself as the victim.  Today I saw myself as the conqueror.  Right here, right now, as I am, I am acceptable.  I am strong.  I can fight.  I can do hard things.  In fact, I can do all things, through Christ which strengtheneth me {Phil. 4:13}.  And in His strength, I can become stronger, fight harder, and eventually overcome all things {D&C 75:16}.

He is my best ally.  He is my biggest aid.  He is my brightest hope.  He is on my side.  And now I am on my side, too.